Day 24: Another Suicide at High School.....(Imp!!)

Another Suicide at High School (as of June 2, 2009) So, yet again someone committed suicide in our school today. And this time people weren’t as sad in my first hour class, just cause no one really knew him.

There was this one girl who knew him though, so when she heard that he had died, she started crying very hard. It was awkward to see her, so I just kind of looked away. But, then I thought of something very profound…..what would happen if one of my good friends died?

And then I did something crazy….I actually tried to imagine that my friend died. But what was so fucking messed up with the situation is that I found that I couldn’t cry. I just couldn’t cry. I don’t know if it’s I unconsciously know none of my friends died, or because I’ve lost all emotion.

There was already a suicide this year, and that really got me emotional. But now that it’s happened again….what do I feel?? I’m confused to what I feel…all I know is that I feel awkward. All I feel is that life shouldn’t end this way; the day shouldn’t have started out like this.

What really really got me ticked off though, was when a group of about 6 teens started to make fun of this one kid. They were talking to the teacher about him, how he was this really mean junior in our grade who was always rude (and all this other shit about him.)

Now, I don’t like this particular person either, but I was FURIOUS when I heard them talking about this kid like he was crap. I mean, a kid just died today. Probably cause he was lonely, and scared, and frustrated, probably cause a bunch of people in his life made his life miserable. A bunch of people talked behind his back.

I don’t want another kid committing suicide, no matter how much I dislike him. Truth is, I don’t hate anyone that much that I’d want him dead. I just HATE how much HATRED there is in the school. Hatred is the root of suicide; it prevents us from forgiving others and just loving them. Yeah, so what if this guy is mean? Don’t be mean back, just STOP talking behind his back like he’s dirt, just please don’t. He probably already knows how much people dislike him, so please don’t make him feel more hated.

I want suicide to stop in our school. I want people just to get along with others, to accept others even if they’re different, if they’re mentally ill, if they’re anorexic/fat, if they’re happy/sad, if they’re ugly, if they’re gay. No one’s perfect, so we just all need to accept others. Have we forgotten that we too have flaws? I’ve been listening to “The Name of Life” from the movie Spirited Away. It’s a very melodic, peaceful piano ballad. I listen to it when I’m in deep thought, like right now. Or when I’m very sad, like I am right now. I guess now I can say for certain that I’m sad. Sad that someone died today, sad that a girl knew him and had to cry, sad that we as humans continue this cycle of hatred over and over that ends in nothing but death. Even those who haven’t committed suicide live in a dead world, a place where there is nothing but mean smirks and back-talking and name calling and bullying. JUST STOP!!!!

This morning, I said to my parents that I didn’t want to go to school because there was nothing I could learn. That was partially true (I have many AP classes, so since we finished the AP exam, we do jack shit.), but the other thing was that I just didn’t want to have a bad day. I didn’t want to go to school and be alone in some of my classes, didn’t want to feel the loneliness.

Well, I’m glad I went to school today. If there’s any joy in a day like this, I’m glad that I found out I did not have the worst day today. Someone just lost his life today.