Day 11: (Part II) Will to Live

Will to Live The moment I walked back into that house, I realized that I had made the most important decision of my life. Now that I am older and wiser, I realize that suicide is a very sporadic act 90% of the time. This means that the person usually acts on impulse triggered by a sudden wave of sadness/anger. It usually is a reckless decision. With that being said, I'm glad I chose to live. I didn't know this at the time, and I was extremely upset then while crying on my bed, but I'm very thankful that somehow I walked back into that house. Because if I didn't walk into that house, I would've been hit by a car and killed. And I would have become just another sob story on the news about a poor depressed teen boy who killed himself at 15. And the next day no one would care. And my friends would grieve for me for no more than a week and go back to their track practice and music lessons. And my parents would feel shame and misery for their whole lives for a son they lost. And I would be so unsure of where I am, what happens after I die, all those questions you figure out while you're still living. And I wouldn't be able to live out my life dreams cause I killed myself on that fateful day. Everything would amount to one thing: shit. Absolute pure shit. Nothing would change in the world, and nothing good would come out of it. So, I guess I should thank my 15-year old self. ----------------- I realize now that when I stepped back into my house and onto my bed, I had chosen to live. I had chosen to prevent all the misery that would come from a short-lived life. And from choosing life, I gave birth to peace and happiness. I now have peace with my family. I've come to realize that not everyone can achieve satisfaction, and that when two people are arguing and want their way, the only way to achieve peace is for one person to let their stance down. It's easy saying this, but it's extremely difficult to do. Cause some people can be assholes sometimes, and you just have to give into them. I also have a lot more happiness, and this is more on my part. And I want to make it crystal clear that I do NOT blame my mom for my unhappiness; that will be adressed in part III. But, anyways, I have a lot more happiness now. Part of it having to do with releasing my anger towards my family. But, most of which has to do with feeling good about life. I just now no longer want other factors in life to drive me down; I want to live my life. And that's something everyone has to realize; that your will to live is the most important thing in life. And that you shouldn't let anyone, no matter how nasty and cruel they get, bring you down. You can choose to live, and you can choose to die. It's all up to you, cause no one can choose for you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Conclusion: Quotes I like Anywhere can be paradise As long as you have the will to live After all, you are alive So you will always have the chance to be happy -End of Evangelion The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter. ~Author Unknown