Day 9: Friend Relationships in High School

So, I don't want everyone to think today is special. On the contrary, today is just like any other day; not too much exciting stuff. But, I felt like blogging random stuff. And I wanted to blog about the usual stuff like, "Oh, in 1st period, I studied plant cells under a microscope" or "During lunch, I ate this apple." But, I think that'd be really really boring, so I decided to just blog about relationships, because I feel they are important. --------------------------------- Math Teacher: I really wanted to start off with him because (a) I have him in the morning (b) he is pretty special to me. What I mean is, I really admire him. (Not at all in a sexual or attractive way!) I admire him because he is the nicest teacher I've ever had. He's very easy-going and lenient on grades, and he's also very good at teaching. However, I feel like I've drifted farther apart from him. And just to clear things up, this does NOT at all mean a sexual advance. I mean this in only a student-teacher relationship. It's just that I'm pretty shy, so I don't really talk much. And since I don't talk much, he begins talking less and less to me. I don't know, maybe I'm just being jealous for attention. But I think I would like to have our "relationship" stronger, because he's one of the only teachers in school that I've really liked. One of those people who seems to wake up in the morning and like to teach rather than just get paid. I hope I talk more...... Conner: So I have a good friend, Conner, who is my best bud in my math and english class. He's really smart, almost too smart, cause we always debate intellectually about philosophy. Like the other day, we debated whether intelligence or love was more important. And then we debated whether happiness was everyone's goal in life. That kind of stuff. I really enjoy talking to him, because he gives me something else to focus on other than schoolwork, plus he's fun to be around. So far, though, I feel as though he's just a good friend, and not a "great" friend. If you were a teen, you'd know what I mean. Because I'm not saying he treats me like shit; once again, it's my attention inferiority. I feel as though he likes me, but that's all. We talk and stuff, but only in class. We're not the "let's hang out on weekends" type of friends. Which reminds me.... Max/Lewis: My best friends growing up, by far. They were always with me no matter what. We used hang out at each other's houses for close to 8 hours in the summer (no joke!) Yeah, and everyday we played with each other. EVERYDAY. They honestly made my childhood the best. And we were the happiest little boys; we did everything together. But, that was before, and now 4 years later, well.......I feel bad for saying this. Cause it really is my fault. But, we aren't really that good of friends anymore. True, they're not in the same grade as me, and true, we are now very "different" people, but it's my fault for the rift. In seventh grade, when I entered middle school, I kind of got depressed. Like I had a lot of familial problems, so I naturally isolated myself more and more from people. Basically, I lost a lot of my childhood happiness. (a different day) So then I started to call Max and Lewis less and less. And it became very weird for them, because before we used to play with each other ALL DAY, and now we barely did. Up to the point where they addressed me and asked why I never played with them anymore. And I gave the shittiest excuses ever like "too much homework" or "i'm busy." And looking back, I can understand why they must have felt rejected and angry at me, cause my excuses were terrible to make up for why I didn't play with them. I never told them now, and I didn't realize it till I got smart enough in high school to know. That the reason why I stopped playing with them is because I lost the ambition to. I know people who are reading this won't understand, but I honestly just lost my drive in life. I was so depressed I couldn't even talk to my best friends. I'm better now; don't worry. I'm no longer as "depressed" as I was (and not because I found out I was gay.) But even after this realization, I lost the two most loving people in my life. (Now) Presently, it's getting better. I'm talking to Max a lot more, (not nearly as much as before), but more. It's a start.... Natalie: Well, I don't know if I can say she's my best "girl"-friend, but she comes close. She's definitely a good friend, although I've never been to her house cause it'd be kind of weird. Anyway, she's one of those extremely odd (not offensively) type of girls with cool hair, who's shy and intellectual, and loves the environment. And by love, I'm mean she loves the environment. I once asked her if she had to choose between saving a unknown human or an endangered leopard, which would she choose, and she told me the leopard. Weird. But anyway, she's also one of the harder people to have a relationship with. Cause we really don't have classes together, and the fact that both of us are shy makes it hard to communicate with one another. But, yeah, since I'm closeted, all her friends see us together and are like "Oh Chase, you should go out with Natalie." I always feel kind of light-hearted whenever they say that, cause it would be even more funny if they knew the truth. Yeah, so in case you're wondering, if there are two shy people, one of you has to take the lead to speak. That's always a requirement in a relationship like this. Librarian: This isn't too "serious" of a relationship, but oh well. She's basically this extremely extremely extremely nice librarian who says hi to me everyday and offers me food when I'm hungry. I honestly love seeing her more than most people because she is just so damn nice. It's crazy. I wish everyone was like her. Andy: This isn't really much of a relationship, cause I've never talked to him. However, he's my secret crush. (meaning I've never told anyone) Now I'm not your typical horny, lustful type of teenager. I hardly fantasize about people naked in bed with me, unless I'm asleep or extremely out of it. I'm really more of a romantic person, where I think someone looks cute instead of hot and think about how lovely they look. Nonetheless, he's one of the people I've got a crush on. Extremely tall Caucasian football player who is extremely handsome and good-looking. It's hard not to feel light-hearted typing this cause he's really really cute. And when he smiles, I smile too cause it makes me fall in love again. Damn it! I've never talked to him, so he's really just a fantasy. Nonetheless, he's important to mention cause he's the only guy I have a crush on right now. ------------------------- Conclusion: I have a lot more relationships... I have a lot more "connections", but it'd be too tedious to list them all. These are the most "interesting" ones I have at school, though. Ones that I really want to work on (except the last one! We'll just leave it like that.)