Day 17b: Does your Heart cry from loving someone?

Day 17b: Does Your Heart cry from loving someone? You sitting at a distant table, watching the guy who sits several tables down. He immediately catches your attention with his gleamy hair and dreamy face. Your heart gently beats and your mind lands gently in calm peace as you stare at his beautiful green eyes. Suddenly, he smiles, and though he doesn't look at you, your heart suddenly bursts with excitement. You long for him to walk this way and cuddle you in his arms. For the next fifteen minutes, you try to maintain focus on what you came here to do: finish your work. The book opens and you read instensly the lines your English teacher assigned you. Yet, every minute or so your mind drifts back into that calm peace, where your heart was feeling lighthearted and happy. The man's image has entranced your heart, and you once again long for him to come over and hug you. You wish he could show his beautiful smile once more at you, or at least look at you with his beautiful eyes. Suddenly, he gets up, and you see him exit through those wooden doors, completely oblivious to your existence. He does not know the deep love you have in your heart, and now he is gone forever. Hours go by, and as you eat your turkey salad for lunch, you once again think of the man who smiled with such a cute face and such a handsome figure. And so once more, you fantasize about the fantasy love you guys would posess, whether it be a small kiss or a walk on the beach. And now weeks later, he has fully captured you. Your mind is set on finding that man, and even when you are about to sleep, you lie in bed and think about him. Tall, rigid square face, strong-muscled lover. He is there in your dreams and forever in your heart as you two kiss in sweet happiness. But then reality hits you. And when I say "hits you", I mean it slams a knife through your skull. Cause then you start to think RATIONALLY, and you realize how that man never knew you existed no matter how much you loved him. No matter how much you dreamdt of him kissing you or holding you in bed, his reality and your reality are but the same; you are seperate. The love is non-existent and all in the head. And all you have been doing these past weeks is filling your head with the idea of a false love that was never true. It was all in the mind. ( Now, understand that I'm gay, so if you're a male or a lesbian, sorry if this story didn't really "connect" with you. Instead, I prefer you imagine a female instead. ) My Personal Experience...........I Love You, Andy Yeah, so to be honest, this hasn't happened a lot with me. Usually when I get a crush, it lasts for a couple of days, and then I realize that it's never gonna work out and my heart just lets it go. I simply accept the fact that I can't like the other person, and my heart simply stops longing for the other guy. Furthermore, whenever I do have the crush, I rarely constantly think about the other person. I usually only feel "lighthearted" when I see him in person. So, for the most part, this doesn't really happen to me...... until now. Like I said, this is a continuation of the "Day 17: Ups and Downs" blog. I've had a crush on this guy named "Andy" and it hasn't gone away! I've been thinking about him all the time; like last night, I couldn't go to sleep for an hour because I just thought of his handsome face. And as I lay there on the bed, all I could think about was him holding me really tight like we were a couple. I know I love him; I can feel that "feeling" you get whenever you fall for someone. The problem is, though, is that whenever rationale pops up, I realize it's all in my head, just like the scenario above. He has NO clue I like him cause I don't offer any clues. And whenever I see him in class, I never look him in the eyes because I'm too nervous. (Note: I want to reiterate the fact that I don't assume every guy I get a crush on is gay. Usually my gaydar (high voice, lisp, walking patterns, etc.) can tell me if someone's more likely to be gay, and so far most of my crushes are stereotypically straight. ) NOW, here's the dillemma: Andy is the first guy who I feel could be gay; he has a bunch of small mannerisms, although minor, which raise a few suspicions. And he sometimes stares at me (and no I don't think that just cause I'm in love with him.) But, here's the deal: since he might be gay, I have two options... 1. I can just live out these fantasies in my head until they soon pass away eventually.....This means not confronting Andy about my feelings towards him. 2. I can boldly confront him about my feelings for him. The problem with this, though, is that I really don't know him that well, and I really have no way of asking him "Are you gay?" in any subtle manner. Yet, I really like him and it's killing me!! Conclusion: Which Path Should I Take? I really really need advice to which path I should take. Cause in path 1, I can just wait in time for another person who I'm more sure of. Or at least wait until I'm out of high school to start a relationship, which would be much more safe. Or path 2, where I can actually live out my heart's desires. If you could tell me what path to take or want to share your story, please comment!!!!!!!!