Day 1: Nearly Everything About Myself, Except One Thing....

----------------------------------------------------- HELLO, MY NAME IS.... Hello everyone. My name is "Chase" (nickname for this website.) So you can call me Chase. Pleased to meet you all. I'm 16 year old American and I am a High School Junior. ----------------------------------- PERSONALITY I'm quiet: I don't really talk much in class, and I usually don't talk to people first. It's hard for me to find something to talk about with other people. I'm Shy: Yep, pretty much goes with above. I oddly don't like meeting new people, not because I don't like them. It's just I get uncomfortable at times. I'm Ambitious: I like this trait. If there's one thing positive I can say about myself, it's that I'm ambitious. I'm determined in what I want to do, I study hard, and I'm not ashamed of it! I'm Optimistic: I like wishing for the best. I know that sounds clich'e, but I really think it's better to be optimistic than pessimistic. I'm Terribly Lovestuck All the Time!!!: I get feelings of pure romance everyday!!! AHHHH HORMONES!!! THEY SUCK~! But seriously, if you ever see a quiet guy/girl in class, don't assume their asexual. While they might not be horny 24/7, they can definitely develop crushes. Which I honestly hate...(I'll post about this later) More... Yeah, I'm your typical quiet, work-hard type of guy with a lot of ambition. When I was young, I drempt I would be the guy would found the cure for cancer. Even today, I have silly dreams about being a rockstar like John Rzeznik or being a humanitarian like Gandhi. It's crazy. My mind is crazy. That's the best way to describe me. On one side, I'm a closed door; quiet, secluded, calm, conservative. On the other, I'm a maniac; ambitious, dreamer, and lovestuck. ------------------------------------------------------------- HOBBIES I Run: I like to run A LOT! It's probably my favorite physical activity, and I'm not too slow either. I Swim: I used to swim for my high school swim team, and I was pretty good at it (not to brag, sry.) I was one of the best fresh/soph swimmers when I started, but then I quit Junior year, because the practices doubled, leading me to come in at 4 in the MORNING! WTF? So I quit; my parents refused to drive me. I play Clarinet: I'm in my high school band and I'm decent. Not the best, not the worst. One things for sure; I really don't enjoy playing clarinet that much.... I Study: It's become such a big part of my life that it's now a hobby. Yes, I study a lot. Like 2-3 hours a day, not cause I choose to though!!! It's because I have so much frickin' homework I Write: Yeah, I like writing....okay I Read: I read anything fantasy. Philip Pullman's Dark Materials, C.S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia, the Wizard of Oz, all those moralistic fairy tales, yep. I love them More... I really don't have much of a life, quite honestly. My life is really centered around school, which is study and track and socializing.

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ALL ABOUT ME!

1. Where I Was Born: I was born in the United States.........Illinois.

2. Nationality: I went back and deleted this cause I didn't want anyone to read my blog selectively; I felt that would be for the wrong reasons.

3. Siblings: I have two sisters

4. Random Fact: I'm one of those people who likes winning no matter what. I hate it when I lose my swim meets, or lose against my friend at a video game. Yeah, I'm extremely conceited. Sry

5. First Gay Crush: My first gay crush was on this guy in my 8th grade math class. Previous to that, I HAD NO feelings for guys. Yeah, he was the typical Caucasian jock; tall, handsome, extremely handsome, and I remember saying to myself "He's really cute", which confused me at the time (I'll write about this latr)

6. What I Used to Do ALL DAY: When I grew up from 3rd to 5th grade, I used to play with my friends EVERYDAY in the summer. No Joke. No exaggeration. I'm dead serious. I would literally go to one of my friends house at 9 AM and return home at 8 PM. It was crazy; we're still pretty good friends, but times have changed a bit, so.....

7. Looking Up A Girls Dress Is Rude: When I was young, I used to look under the dresses of the girls in my kindergarten class. It was soo weird when I saw it on my home video tape.

8. English is the Best: My favorite subject is English, probably because that's the most loose class. You pretty much sit back and talk about highly philosophical or highly ridiculous things.

9. I Love Winning in Sports: My happiest moments were in sports, when I won my swim meet and placed high in my cross country meet.

10. One of the Reasons I Like Guys: This is very weird, and one of the reasons why I started this blog.....so anyway. I discovered masturbation at a young age....maybe 6th grade (which I deeply regret, cause I honestly think masturbation messed me up in my sexual development during my teen years.)

So anyway...I remember going to this one website with two folders. One had a bunch of naked women and one had a bunch of naked men. I remember I always picked the folder with the naked women and jacked off to them.

HOWEVER, beginning 8th grade, I remember clicking gradually to the folder with the men and jacking off to them. To make a long story short, I think what honestly happened was a horny little kid (me) got curious about what naked men looked like, and by jacking off to them, I got attracted to them. Cause I never thought anything about guys before 7th grade....weird.

11. Unhappy Family, Unhappy Child: I grew up a very happy child, mainly cause I had an extremely strong social group. I had the two best friends in the world, who were with me side by side not matter what. But as I grew older, times changed, I got really busy with school, so basically school pushed my friends/social time out of the picture.

Because of this, I began to spend more time with my family. Yet my parents are not the best parents in the world (nor are they the worst), and so basically I went through I period of my life where I felt extremely depressed because I felt like my parents didn't love me. Looking back, I acknowledge that they really didn't put me first in front of them, but neither was I perfect. I went through some trouble waters, though, during my middle school years. Which might have been one of the reasons I found comfort in masturbation

12. My Aunt is One of My Favorite People: I love my aunt. It's kind of random, I know, but she was truly one of the only people in my life to ALWAYS show a compassionate heart. She is soooooooooooo nice; I definitely have to blog about her.

13. How I Lost My Self-Esteem:

So basically, I grew up in a highly intellectual environment. I was always considered an extremely bright child in math, but also extremely poor in English. ( I think my math scores were ranked 99% nationally, yet my reading was once ranked 45%) (YIKES!)

Well, in seventh grade, a new policy ensued where a student had to be good in math AND reading to be enrolled in the extended courses. Therefore, in 7th grade, I was KICKED OUT of the extended program, where most of my friends were. It hurt like shit; I remember crying my eyes out in seventh grade when I got moved into an average-level English class.

I lost a part of myself during that year. That is the darkest year of my life; when I felt like my parents didn't love me, when I fell in love with a guy in my class, when I lost a lot of my friends from being transferred from classes.

That is why I suddenly became extremely quiet and introverted. I used to be a happy child. There's no denying I was energetic and joyful when I was young. But a lot of me changed when the pain started to hit. I'll definitely write about this later.