Day 4: First Gay Crush

FIRST GAY CRUSH ------------------------------- Timeline 1. Can't remember much, but like I've said before, my mom used to tell me how I used to always grab my summer camp caretaker's boobs. So, yeah. One of the biggest things I hate about myself is my poor memory. I wish I could remember if I were truly attracted to this woman or not, but I can't remember! 2. I had a crush on this girl named Julie in 2nd grade. I invited her to my birthday party (only girl) in February when the party was in July. Well, she thought I was extremely weird, and still in the "boys have cooties, eww" stage. 3. In 3rd grade, I was sitting in music class with my fellow classmates. We were all in a big square-like pattern, and there was this girl named Lauren that I really liked. So I scooched over and kissed her on the lips. Everyone looked my way and started ooing. It was extremely awkward, but I remember that memory. 3. I had a crush on this girl named Katie in 6th grade. Her boyfriend came up to me and said he was going to beat the crap out of me, literally. So okay.....(it's funny, his boyfriend is like 3 inches shorter than me.) Later, my crush kind of waned and I no longer liked her. I guess I just thought she was pretty. Side Note: I really didn't have a crush in 7th grade, probably cause I was too depressed and too stressed to have any crushes. I remember not really thinking any girls were hot that year; like, I never passed a hot girl and had "feelings." But, neither did I have feelings for guys that year. It's strange....one time I was with my friend on the bus, and he asked me if I liked which celebrity I thought was the hottest. I remember thinking really hard for an answer, but I couldn't truly find any female I thought was hot. I then blurted out "Cameron Diaz", but in my mind I knew it wasn't true. 4. My first gay crush was in 8th grade. I sat in front of this really tall Caucasian jock. It's actually a pretty weird story. It was basically him in back of me, and two girls to the right of us. The girls knew both me and him, so we talked a lot. Soon enough, he started to talk to me a lot, and soon enough he started to joke about me (not in a mean way, though!) I grew to like him a lot, cause everyday in class we talked in a very joking, funny manner, and our teacher always came up to talk to us. Well, anyway, one of the things he used to say was "I love you, man" while chuckling; he didn't really literally mean it, but it was enough to tell me he liked me (not loved me, cause I knew he was straight.) About two months before school was going to end, I found out that I really liked him and found him cute. (He was a tall basketball player with rugged looks), which really confused me. It was also when I began to switch between the two folders (*read below to found out what this means*) But, nonetheless, I found myself extremely confused. However, I didn't really have time to think about it too clearly, cause school was always in the way. I was also kind of dazed because I had romantic feelings for him. He was so handsome and so funny and best of all, he made me so happy at school. It was as if we were a couple the way we always talked to each other. So I just lived my life as it was as a good student who studied hard, but had a gay crush on one of my classmates. -------------------------------------------------- WHAT HAPPENED? Well, that was 8th grade. I'm now in 11th, so it's been 4 years. Currently, I don't have any crushes (although I still find some guys attractive while walking down a hallway). I'm also no longer attracted to that guy, cause I don't see him anymore in high school. We have no classes together, and I are friendship wasn't an "extremely strong" one anyway where we would hang out outside of school. However, I remember years later, I used to think about him sometimes on the bus. During freshman year, I would daydream about him and me together laughing at stuff. I'm over that now, but I still remember how lovestruck he made me feel. So yeah, that's the story of my first gay crush.