Day 34: Summer Reading List

Day 34: Summer Reading List

So I recently went to Barnes and Nobles to buy some books with my "birthday money." (Whoo!) Basically, I bought.....

Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)

Lord of the Flies (William Golding)

A Separate Peace (John Knowles)

Quamut's "How To Go Green" => These two are

SparkCharts "Environmental Studies" AMAZING btw.

My sister got me....

Walden (Henry David Thoreau)

Civil Disobedience (Henry David Thoreau)

Selected Essays, Lectures, and Poems (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Candide (Voltaire)

The Prince and the Pauper (Mark Twain)

WOW!! Those are a lot of books. I doubt I'll have time to finish them, cause guess what?!?! My other cousins from California are coming over. Ugh.....it's not that I don't like them. It's just that I can't handle having so many people over. Plus that means I have to take care of them again, and this time they're really small children. Kids are nice to be around, they're cute; but not for 2 weeks!

Anyways, I have a Summer Reading List that includes some of those books. I've been slacking and haven't been reading much, lol.

Books from Barnes and Nobles

Oh, and this right here is my "To-Do" List, meaning I HAVE TO do these things. It's kind of like my summer resolution. Notice how the first thing says "Plan Recycling Club" cause I'm president next year (not bragging,....)

(Notice first thing on list. I know my priorities!!)

Ok, this is my final final note. I promise. These guides are worth mentioning cause any environmentalist will appreciate them. It basically gives you basic/intermediate tips to make your life eco-friendly. I'll blog about this a later day!

Feeling of Emptiness

The day before my cousins left..... we were all crowded around the dining table. There was me, my dad, my mom, my two sisters, Yen-Lu, Yen-She, and Buo-Re, eight people in total. With eight people, it's hard to imagine that nothing went wrong: a small arguement, people losing their temper, hateful feelings. But, to my surprise, that's exactly what didn't happen. We were having the time of our lives, the day before they were leaving. And it made me really happy, because moments like that are so rare in my life. Reading about shugo's entry "How I Lost My Cousin" reminded me of memories I have that are to say the least, frustrating. I also used to have two cousins I was very close to. There was Charlie, who was like my older brother. He was 6 years older than me, but that never stopped him from hanging out with me. I guess he was a pretty "tough" kid, the typical bad-boy, but he never was like that around me. Always kind, taking me out to see the city; it was very strange for such a young adult to do these things for me. And then there was Jay, who also was my young adult cousin. He was always so excited to see me and take me places. I think he was undoubtedly my closest cousin growing up. Now, everything's different.......it's not complete shit, but I definitely don't talk to them as much. They're not as excited to see me, and I'm not really excited either. I think it's because I changed a lot as a person. Like I mentioned in my very first blog, I drifted away from my happy medium as a small child. A lot has happened to me, a lot of broken relationships tore me up so much I almost lost faith in friendship, but that's for another blog. Basically, times change, and so do people. The other day, I was walking by Northwestern University in the afternoon. The sun was shining soft rays against my rough skin, the birds were tweeting, the trees were swaying with green undertones. There could not have been a more perfect day. Then this soft breeze flew through, and it caressed my face like a person brushing their hand over me. And in that exact moment, I just felt everything was "right." There was nothing wrong, no feelings of despair or loneliness or frustration; only peace. A calm wind blowing over me under the summer sun. I wanted time to stop right there; I wanted that wind to blow forever across my face. I wanted the sun to shine forever, for the trees to never lose their green hue. But the reality is that time can never stop, and so that wind eventually stopped blowing, and the sun eventually went down. Maybe I'm an idealist, call me a madman, but I damn well know what I'm talking about. I know perfectly well why this memory is so important to me. It is what I've been looking for my entire life. The feeling of eternal peace and calmness, where there is no pain. Does such a state of mind, or better yet, a state of place exist? The Buddhists say that suffering can ultimately be avoided with the correct mindset, while the Christians say that suffering is inevititable in this world full of sin. I guess since I'm Christian, the only thing I can do now is wait. Nothing is going to speed up my death, (unless I purposely kill myself), but I'm waiting, patiently for that day when I'll go to heaven. The place where there is no pain or suffering, only peace.

Day 33: My 17th Birthday!!! (YEAH!)

Day 33: My 17th Birthday!!! (YEAH!)

17 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! The celebration started at 7:40 P.M. My parents, my two sisters, and my three cousins (Buo-re, Yen-Lu, and Yen-Ling) were crowding around the table around me.

I took about 10 pictures of the cake cause it looked amazing. I'm glad my parents got me that cake, cause those are my favorite blend of colors. Anyways, then the lights were dimmed and they all sang me Happy Birthday! Around halfway, I knew I was about to blow out the candles, so I began to think of my wish.

What to wish for.....what did I truly want? Another video game? Another pet? The next instant, I knew what I wanted. What I had wanted quite possibly my whole teenage life. I closed my eyes very tight, and then I whispered it in my head. "I want to meet someone who will love me. A guy who I can love back, and who I can make very happy. I hope I'll find him soon, or at least I hope I find a genuine friend." Then I blew out the candles with a breath of desperation. Then came the darkness, followed by my sigh of relief, and of hope, and then came the clapping and the shouting..... - I really hope my wish comes true, cause it's the first wish I've ever made on my birthday. Either I was too young to even remember my wish, or I wasn't given a cake and ended up seeing a Broadway show instead, or even sometimes I forgot to wish for something. But today, I meant that wish with my heart. And I know wishing isn't everything, but it sure beats no even trying!!!

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PRESENTS

My parents gave me $200. Why yes, I'm a spoiled brat. I even took a picture of it with the camera I got for Christmas.

I think the best gift I got, though, was the four books I got from my sister. It was also a huge surprise, because my present was a rectangular box, and that could be anything.

The second I opened my present, my head felt lightheaded cause I was honestly so happy. There lieing before me was Henry David Thoreau's "Walden and Civil Disobedience". Oh my god. My sister knew how much I loved Thoreau. I was so ecstatic to see the book in front of me. What was even more uplifting was that lieing beneath it was Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Selected Essays." (Emerson, btw, is credited as being the founder of the Transcendentalist movement in his literary piece Nature.) There was also "The Prince and the Pauper" by Mark Twain and Candide by Voltaire. Although I didn't really know them too well, I certainly was excited to read such intellectual books.

I really want to remember this birthday specifically because I know a lot of people gave their time to show me that they love me. And it wasn't by doing something extravagent, like taking me to some faraway vacation spot or buying me some extremely expensive gift (although $200 cold cash is pretty sweet!) Everyone was really nice to me, and put a lot of effort into making this day special.

I hope to remember today, so that next time I get angry or bitter at them for hurting me, I'll recall that beautiful cerulean cake they bought me on July 2nd to show how much they loved me.

Summer Pets: Vegetables, Worms, and Cats??

I Want That Everlasting Love

After we left and my dad was driving us all around Chicago, I wrote this entry:

" I just went to the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry.

I'm kind of sad for some reason. Maybe it's the weather, cause it's very gray and rainy. Or maybe because I've been walking around all day and I'm tired. Well, I don't know the cause of my sadness. All I know is that I'm sad and I feel purposeless. Now, I don't know if I feel purposeless because I'm sad, but I just know something isn't right.

Why did I go to this museum? Why am I taking pictures? Why am I here? This feeling has been haunting me for my whole adolescent lifetime. The feeling of despair in the limits, in the emptiness in all things finite, where nothing lasts forever."

I think I felt this emptiness and sadness when I saw the buildings around me while driving along the Chicago shorelines. Here's another entry I wrote:

"It sometimes makes me sad to see new buildings, or new TV's. Maybe it's unconscious greed. But, then again it could be just that I hate to know that they'll disappear in 2, 5, 10, or even a century past, but no matter, they will disappear. It's sad; maybe I could find something happy about this when I'm typing this??"

I'm thinking of Mariah Carey right now. I see her on stage at the 1990's Grammy Awards. Wow, she was pretty amazing. She was a shining starlet, as they say. But, like everyone else, like Michael Jackson, they will all eventually fade. It's true that nothing, and no one, lasts forever.

I think that's what depresses me about the world: how finite everything is. How our buildings, our accomplishments, our latest edition iPhone or what we thought was eternal cameras are all going to disappear someday. Even the people around us will someday be dead, be finite. I want something everlasting!

I want that house that won't ever fall down; I want that person who will love me forever. Where love is not something that comes and goes, that doesn't fade away after 2 years or a single day. I want that person who will live, everlasting, with me.

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I'm walking down the Chicago shoreline by the Adler Planatarium. I feel so alone, so cold. Do you ever feel that way, when you're walking down a wide path, and although it may be 60 degrees or whatever, you just feel cold inside?

Or maybe it's not cold at all, it's just that I'm lonely. I want to hold someone. Yes, I know I'm a 16-year old guy, but it's practically human instinct to be with someone.

I'm thinking about that person. That person who will walk along the shore with me in his arms.

I think that one shining thought is able to penetrate through all the sadness I'm feeling right now. It's comforting to feel love's power even without its prescence.

Day 32: Day 3 @ Chicago (w/ cousins +1 !!!!!!)

Day 32: Museum of Science and Industry

July 1, 2009

I'm MAD cause the Smart House exhibit was closed at the museum. UGH!!!! It was the only one I really wanted to see, cause it featured ways you could conserve energy in your house. Basically, it's this eco-green exhibit where you can enter an actual house and see the different appliances used (like solar panels, water-saving faucets, etc.) to create a more environmentally friendly house.

I am crazy about the environment, so naturally I'm mad about this exhibit being closed. (get the pun...hehe)

There was a very intriging futuristic exhibit that I thought was the most interesting thing in the museum. Basically, there were displays of a bunch of highly advanced technologies being developed, from the indoor farm to paper food.

Now, some of them seemed extremely typical and not-too-promising, like the anti-aging technology. Basically, the guy proposed that he could make humans live virtually forever, which I believe is probably a little more distant than the near future. But, there were some very interesting ones, like the "indoor farm" where this guy was trying to grow crops in a skyscraper in order to eliminate pest and land problems. That seemed actually realistic.

There was also this very very interesting thing where some chef was able to make a piece of edible paper taste like cotton candy. He said it could be used for astronauts, but my only question is: Does the paper have the same calories as a meal? Weird..........

And of course, they had the "Earth Revealed" exhibit which I had to see because I'm an earth freak. My only nail to pick at was the fact that the information given in the presentation was so basic. "Global warming is causing temperatures to rise"...."earth's species are being threatened by developing countries"....I mean, come on? Are we still explaining the mechanisms behind global warming? That's a Kindergarden lesson in the environmental world.

Oh, and btw, there was this really cute guy in a gray shirt that I saw everywhere in the museum. Actually, he just walked with us for two exhibits, but when it's someone hot, it feels like everywhere. Anyways, I kind of got distracted in the exhibits cause I kept staring at him. Just wanted to write that down...

After we left and my dad was driving us all around Chicago, I wrote this entry:

" [ directly from diary] I just went to the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry.

I'm kind of sad for some reason. Maybe it's the weather, cause it's very gray and rainy. Or maybe because I've been walking around all day and I'm tired. Well, I don't know the cause of my sadness. All I know is that I'm sad and I feel purposeless. Now, I don't know if I feel purposeless because I'm sad, but I just know something isn't right.

Why did I go to this museum? Why am I taking pictures? Why am I here? This feeling has been haunting me for my whole adolescent lifetime. The feeling of despair thinking about the limits, the emptiness in all things finite, where nothing lasts forever."

I think I felt this emptiness and sadness when I saw the buildings around me while driving along the Chicago shorelines. Here's another entry I wrote:

"It sometimes makes me sad to see new buildings, or new TV's. Maybe it's unconscious greed. But, then again it could be just that I hate to know that they'll disappear in 2, 5, 10, or even a century past, but no matter, they will disappear. It's sad; maybe I could find something happy about this when I'm typing this??"

I'm thinking of Mariah Carey right now. I see her on stage at the 1990's Grammy Awards. Wow, she was a pretty amazing. She was a shining starlet, as they say. But, like everyone else, like Michael Jackson, they will all eventually fade. It's true that nothing, and no one, lasts forever.

I think that what depresses me about the world: how finite everything is. How our buildings, our accomplishments, our latest edition iPhone or what we thought was eternal cameras are all going to disappear someday. Even the people around us will someday be dead, be finite. I want something everlasting!

I want that house that won't ever fall down; I want that person who will love me forever. Where love is not something that comes and goes, that doesn't fade away after 2 years or a single day. I want that person who will live, everlasting, with me.

Wow, am I crazy? Better question: does anyone understand what I'm saying???!?! Wow, I need to post this in a seperate entry so that when I look back at my entries in 10 years, I'll be able to find it, not lodged under "Day 31: Day 3 @ Chicago"

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Eventually, my mood changed when the sun came out again and I went to this awesome Mcdonald's in the downtown area.

We also ate at Chinatown (Happy Chef, anyone?) which was delicious. That's why we always go to that restaurant and nowhere else.

I eventually got home and went to sleep. Nothing special. I just wanted to remember today for what I realized was a finite world.

Day 31: Day 2 @ Chicago (w/ cousins)

Day 31: University of Chicago.............Northwestern University .............................................Ba'hai Temple

June 29, 2009

So first off, very quick note. I'm sorry I couldn't write a entry in so long, but it's because I've been so busy this past week! And to be completely honest, I missed this site soooo much! I wanted to post all the exciting things that have been happening these past weeks, but I couldn't cause I either got home too late to type anything, I was out of the house way too much, or Buo-re, my younger cousin was on my computer listening to his music. It drove me insane to see that little kid spend so much time on my computer do the most ludicrous stuff, but I never had the heart to kick him off. Once again, sorry for the delay, but hopefully, I can write down all the things that have happened to me this past week.

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So on June 29, our family originally planned to go visit the Museum of Science and Industry, but my final cousin to visit, Yen-She, hadn't come yet. So we decided to save that for another day and just visit UC and NW.

On the way there, I took a bunch of pictures of the city because it was a pretty good day. Actually, pretty good wouldn't be the correct description. It was amazing. You can see for yourself.

Side Note: So here's my little story on my home-city, Chicago. Now, when I was little, my parents and I travelled a bunch of places. Since my dad worked for United Airlines, we had some crazy benefit like 90% off of our plane tickets. So we went everywhere during my school breaks. I've been to Ohio, Michigan, Indiana...........St. Louis, Missouri to see the Arch, San Francisco and Los Angeles numerous times to visit my aunt, Rochester and NYU, New York, Greensboro, North Carolina, Bay Harbor, Maine to visit the national parks.............I've been to Beijing, China for a city tour.....Taipei, Taiwan numerous times.........Tokyo, Japan...................I've been to Ottawa, Canada! There's probably a lot of places I haven't named (I just remembered Atlanta, Georgia), but you get the point.

Thus, I guess the charm of being in such a huge city as Chicago kind of never entranced me; I was always in some new, exciting place. It was to the point where I actually disliked travelling sometimes because I just went to far too many places! ( Oh yeah, I went to Australia; see how spoiled I am?? Can't even remember a trip to Australia)

Well, those "benefits" didn't last long, and soon enough we stopped travelling frequently. Over time, I came to gradually see the beauty in the city's architecture, culture, people. Everything just bubbled out at me, until one day while I was on the shoreline by the Planetarium, I realized just how beautiful the city was. It really is a beautiful city, skyscrapers shooting upwards to the skies above, truly beautiful.

Ever since that defining moment, I came to love Chicago. My appreciation for it has grown over the years, and now, with senior year approaching, I've given much thought about living in this city where there are sooooooo many opportunities. I've come to enjoy this city very much.

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Okay, sorry for that extremely long rant. Anyways............. I went to visit the University of Chicago. Also known as the place "where fun goes to die." Don't believe me? Google it, and you'll see it's true. That's pretty scary, cause I don't want to go to a place all study-oriented. I've already worked my ass off in high school, so I don't want to work like crazy in college as well. I mean, I don't mind working hard. But, there comes a point where you kind of have to live your life, and not have a school live it for you. I just don't think I can handle going to a college where you have to write a 1000-page essay everyday on molecular algae and read 10 chapters of Thoreau's "Walden" without completly cracking.

So although UC is a very very prestigious school, I probably wouldn't want to go assuming it may be too academic for me. And the fact that it's surrounded by an unsafe district, so there's probably not a lot of social places nearby.

Side Note: There's this "myth" that this small garden in UC is supposedly a very romantic place where students fall in love. I saw the garden, and it was pretty nice all right, but it was surrounded by construction sites all around. Not to mention the fact that there are windows all around the garden so there's no privacy. I mean, who could honestly fall in love in a place where there's the clanging of a jackhammer going off and a bunch of students could be peaking at you on your date? WTF? I honestly expected something a little more private, cause it wasn't really romantic.

Later, I went to Northwestern University. I had heard it was a really nice campus, so when I went there I had high hopes.

It actually was pretty nice, but I just didn't feel at place. It was like something was pulling me away, telling me I wouldn't be happy here. Although it was nice walking around, enjoying all the sites, I just didn't feel like I could study there.

We later went to a small cafe on the school's site, and coincidentally, they were serving gestapo ice cream from 4-5 PM for $0.99. How lucky were we? My sister bought a raspberry gestapo, which was delicious. We eventually bought two more, which ended up being eaten mostly by me. I guess I can now remember NW for their delicious ice cream, huh?

NW also had beautiful flower arrangements everywhere, though. I even took pictures of them, which my cousins and sister found ridiculous cause to them they were only "flowers." But, like I said, I'm a huge nature freak and I really liked them.

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The last visit was to the Ba'hai Temple in Winnetka. My dad wanted to show us, but I don't know if he was just curious or he wanted to mock it. After we left the temple, my dad called the place "ridiculous" which I found offensive, even though I'm Christian.

It's not that I accept everything the Ba'ahi faith believes in, but I do believe in something called tolerance. Just cause something doesn't agree with yours doesn't mean we shouldn't respect it; I'm only glad my dad said it in private to me.

It was a very beautiful temple, however, despite my differing beliefs. Inside, it was much like a Christian church, with many chairs encircling the middle. However, I did notice that on the top of the building, there was a symbol of something, probably of God (although I'm not sure...don't take my word for it!) There were also many verses on the sides of the building, which I found very cool cause I think my Christian church would look ten times better if it had verses of "love thy neighbor" or "do good to those who hate you" across our walls. (actual picture I took on the right!)

After that, we went home, exhausted. My cousin, Buo-re, who thinks of nothing else but video games, computer, and fun, went straight to my computer to listen to HM3 music. Ugh.

I did enjoy today, though. From going within the city to see UC's gothic strutures to breathing in NW's entrancing nature to gasping at the Bahai Temple's intricacy, I feel happy experiencing all that Chicago's metropolitan area has to offer. Now, everytime I go to Chicago, I fall in love with it more and more. It is just such a beautiful place.