Day 18: CK And Me (Coming Out)

So guess what happened?????? Well......let's zoom back to Thursday. After school, while I was going back home on my school's activity bus, I bumped into a so-called friend, nicknamed "CK". He was basically my lab partner for my chemistry class last year; let me describe him. CK: I've known him since 3rd grade when we were always put in the advanced math classroom along with around 10 kids from our grade. He was always the trouble maker, the one to get kicked out of class. I was the reserved quiet kid who was always polite. Coincidentally, we didn't really get to know each other. He was also kind of mean for a kid, got into fights a lot. So I really didn't get to know him too well cause our personalities were polar opposites. Well, in sixth grade we were put in the same classroom, and his personality kind of went downhill from there. He was always extremely rude, saying a bunch of embarressing things in front of people to make them look bad, and a lot of ppl mocked him in return. I also didn't really like him that much. That year, I kind of lost any interest in getting to know him and mainly tried to avoid him. The NEXT time I bumped into him was sophomore year (10th) grade in our chem class. I was his chem partner for the ENTIRE YEAR, meaning 2 hours with him. At first, I thought he had changed cause it'd been 3 years. Well..............no. (So much for hopeful thinking.) All the people around us didn't like him cause he was extremely rude and annoying, and ppl would always whisper to me things like "I feel so sorry for you." Yeah, it was bad. I actually kind of hated that class because of him cause he was always really mean to me for reasons I don't know. Yet, he really didn't have too many close friends, so whenever we were on the bus he'd always sit by me and talk about his personal life. As I got to know him, I found out he had a pretty shitty life. Like, his dad was physically abusive and often beat him up. He'd chase CK up the stairs and bang on his door when he locked it; it was really sad. And his mom couldn't really watch him too much cause he had four other younger siblings. On top of that, his parents said they couldn't really pay for his college, so he spends a lot of time working at the grocery store (probably on minimum wage cause he's a student) to pay for his education. From then on I wasn't so distasteful of him anymore, cause I really did feel sorry for him. He pretty much had a shitty family and a insecure home with little support for his education. Eventually, my whole perspective changed and I tried to be nicer to him cause I knew he had a rough life. So eventually our chem class came to a finish, (he still hadn't changed personality-wise), but I came to accept his rather uncomfortable presence. Zoom back now to Thursday, the activity bus. CK and I. Quite honestly, I really didn't want to talk to him too much, cause I didn't know what to say to him. Like asking him "How's your depressing life going?" wouldn't be too helpful, so I thought it'd be best to just leave him be. But nonetheless he kind of barged his way towards me on the bus and started talking to me. Asking me how I was, how was life, the usual talk. I was responsive, I'm not a rude person, but I tried to keep the talk not too personal. Anyways, soon the talk waned down until we started saying words every minute or so (I hate when that happens!) until finally he kind of just blurted out........ CK: You know, last year, when I said I had a secret? Me: (looks to the upper right as if I'm thinking) um......yeah? CK: Remember how you always wanted to know and I never told you? Me: Um.....yeah...kind of.... CK: Well do you want to know what it was? Me: Sure CK: Well, it's that I was gay.... *****Now, as soon as I heard the word "gay" my heart soared to like 200 bpm. I had never heard someone else admit them gay to me (mostly cause I'm not stereotypically gay.) But, yeah, it was nerve-wreaking to hear him say that to me. Especially cause I'm gay too!!!! It was crazy.....but then reality came in. DAMN DAMN DAMN reality. I hate it. Cause in my ideal world, I would have long ago come out as well. But since most of my friends are straight and slightly homophobic (using gay as an adjective for stupid) and my parents and siblings are uber anti-homo, I had to LIE that I was straight. I had to supress all the adrenaline going through me. Eventually, I said..... Me: (Long Pause) Oh, that's cool. CK: Yeah, just thought I'd let you know. ***And then began this long conversation of how he knew he was gay**** Me: That's strange.....I thought your big secret was something.....different CK: Yeah, like what? Me: Like about your family or something like that. It's just that I never would have suspected you're gay. CK: Oh, well, I know I don't fit the stereotype. But, yeah, I have a boyfriend. Me: Oh.... (Long Pause) So who is he? CK: **************** Me: So am I the only one who knows? CK: No....I try to tell a lot of people Me: Are u sure that's safe? CK: Well, I don't just tell anyone Me: True CK: Hey, u wanna hear another secret? Me: (Long Pause) Sure CK: Well, last year, in chem class, I had a crush on you. *** "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG" I was soooooo nervous right there. Cause he had NO idea I was also gay! And the fact that no other guy has admitted they had a crush on me before. To be honest, even though I didn't find him attractive, I was extremely flattered. But, again DAMN DAMN DAMN reality had to come in and I had to play it cool. Me: Oh, really? CK: Yeah, I thought you were pretty cute. Me: (Smiles a bit and chuckles) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Anyways, the conversation went on for another 20 minutes about him explaining his sexuality, how he knew since 6th grade, blah blah blah..... and me, a closeted gay, listening to him and pretending I was straight. Now I can't stop thinking about him!!!! Not cause he's now suddenly attractive or that I want to date him, but because he came out. I've NEVER heard of an openly gay person in our school before; he's the first person to come out to me. And I just thought how wonderful he must feel after pretending to like girls his whole life. Cause he too was pretty closeted, always mentioning what kind of girls he thought were hot. I can't stop thinking about that one phrase "Well, it's that I'm gay." It really hit me hard to know that there actually were gay people in the world. I mean, of course you know there are gay people, from newspapers and medical reports and celibrity gossip, but to actually personally know someone is rare.